Twin Fever
by TwinkleHeartFudge
Summary: He'd never managed to make Cody smile that bright or that wide for him when he wasn't laughing at him. It was always that small fond smile that while Zack loved wasn't something that he could say make him so absolutely speechless like the ones that Cody gave Bailey. Maybe it was time that he gave up. Angst. Twincest. Woohoo.


**Twin Fever**

By **TwinkleHeartFudge**

It started when he was ten years old when Cody had fallen asleep on his shoulder on the couch when they were watching television. Zack had felt the flutter in his stomach when his twin brother's breathing slowed, the strand of his blond hair tickling his ear and there was a feeling of contentment that he'd never really understood back then and just assumed that it was normal since he was his brother after all. Their mother had barged in then, just having been let off from work and had told them to clean themselves up and go to bed it's 10 PM already. Cody had slowly and lethargically gotten up and Zack had a slight feeling of disappointment he didn't understand.

When they were in eleven, Zack had finally realized what the whole fluttery and strange happiness had been when Cody was around and especially that fond smile that he sent Zack whenever he did something particularly stupid. It wasn't some large and messy realization that came after a disastrous event but it had been a dawning realization.

"I love him." Zack just suddenly realized while walking back from the skate park and it had been said in a hushed but loaded and _broken_ tone. "I _love_ him."

Needless to say that he avoided Cody, rather unsuccessfully, for almost a month or two trying to learn how to control himself while in the presence of his beautiful brother. The realization had crushed all his previous perspectives and suddenly Cody's eyes were sometimes too green that Zack needed to remind himself that he wasn't supposed to look at _his brother_ like that. There was something in Cody that made him look fragile and made Zack want to protect him with every fiber of his being but the want to _possess_ and _keep_ wasn't something he wanted to be known. Sometimes, Cody's hair would seem fluffier and softer than usual that Zack didn't even stop himself from ruffling his twin's hair, usually earning a disgruntled look and a slight flush that made him even cuter than normal.

And that was the clincher wasn't it? That Zack had _fallen in love_ with his brother. Zack knew that it wasn't any platonic love when he had hot, wet and messy dreams of shoving his brother against the wall, desk or whatever was in the immediate vicinity and making him scream out a name that he was never supposed to scream. Zack had never hated Health class much more than in the first moment he registered the urge. If he hadn't known that (his instinct was telling him about it) he probably would be much better off. It made sharing roomspace difficult when he had the object of his dreams just across the room. It made for uncomfortable and sometimes onesidedly awkward conversations but Zack blustered his way through.

Cody probably didn't know even half of what ran through his mind. Zack made sure of that. Oh he slipped sometimes, staring at his brother's face sometimes, just drinking in all that made his brother his brother and gaining a look, sometimes concerned and sometimes annoyed. Cody was still himself, sweet, sensitive, openly emotional and naïve. Zack didn't know how much more of that earnestness he could handle. Someone couldn't be that perfect could they? He even looked pretty as a girl!

It took Zack a while but he had somehow grown comfortable with the fact that he was going to wait. He didn't know what for or how long but that he was going to wait for whatever this relationship he had with his twin but he knew that he wanted things to stay the same. He wanted to be someone that was looked after while he looked after his brother in ways that no one except those who pay attention could notice. Sometimes he couldn't just control himself and the coldness that seeped through his veins whenever some flirted with Cody made him twitchy, his smile a tad wider and his hands wanting to strangle. Making insensitive comments was much easier than sitting down and talking to his brother properly which would make him want to kiss Cody senseless. So that was out of the question.

He started dating girls, pulling more pranks and flirting with everything that was pretty just to get his mind off of this attraction that he was starting to want to deny. It made him undeniably and sizzlingly jealous whenever Cody brought home a girl and dated. Zack couldn't say anything though since he also brought home girlfriends every once in a while. Maddie was one of the prettiest things around and trying to love her instead of his brother and it was more than acceptable. It had succeeded for a while, but then the whole Arwin sleepover thing just jarred him back to his initial problem. He and Cody were sharing a bed. _Sharing a bed._ His. _Bed_. Zack could feel the warmth that Cody emitted and Arwin wasn't as distracting as the one laying on the bed next to him.

The kiss on Cody's forehead during Graduation was a major slip up but Zack had managed to dismiss is as a 'thank you' while leaving out the 'I love you' part. Zack hadn't stayed long enough to actually see Cody's expression and he was a little scared that it was actually impassive or disgusted. Zack didn't know if his heart would be able to take that.

When they were fifteen, their mother had announced that they were going to Seven Seas High since she could actually afford it with the employee discount. By this time, Zack had already perfected 'acting normal' while having a bit of fun. The feeling when he nonchalantly slings an arm around Cody's shoulders still made him feel all light and feathery and the rare hugs they shared. Cody was still in that on and off relationship he had with Barbara and Zack wasn't going to interfere. Maybe his heart was telling him to fight for it, to even just _say_ it to Cody even if it was just to get on and over with it, but nada. Zack hadn't wanted to ruin his already somewhat shaky platonic relationship with his brother. He had to admit, he _was_ a coward.

Then Bailey came.

At first, she was just some ordinary one of them pretty girls that would be going sometime in the near future but then Cody was suddenly serious about it. Going overboard like they did most of the time but it looked like Cody really _wanted_ to date her. Not like those _Oh she's beautiful_ starstruck moments they both had when faced with someone pretty, but like _I want to get to know her better_ and Zack was more than a little thankful that he didn't have a roommate. Cody was straight and he liked someone who would take care of him, not someone who hhe would have to take care of.

The _chance_ was suddenly lost. Just like that. Zack had cried then, where no one would see and he had made sure that he had enough time to get rid of the redness in his eyes afterwards. Zacl became absolutely obnoxious then, even more than he usually was and trying to move on. That was a big problem though. How could you move on when that someone you had to move on from was someone you loved with all your heart but knew you didn't deserve any of it back? How could you move on when you've known nothing else and knew that everything would be perfect as long as that person was there? But Cody wasn't there anymore. He was absolutely smitten with Bailey and Zack's throat closed up whenever he saw them so very happy with each other, his heart breaking every time Cody cried due to problems with his and Bailey wonderful relationship.

He'd never managed to make Cody smile that bright or that wide for him when he wasn't laughing _at_ him. It was always that small fond smile that while Zack loved wasn't something that he could say make him so absolutely speechless like the ones that Cody gave Bailey.

Maybe it was time that he gave up.

The thought made his eyes water. His heart was constricting so painfully that it actually became a physical pain rather than a more twinging pain. He'd put on the mask and laugh and smile while he became broken more and more while he watched his brother be happy with his girlfriend.

He should have known someone would notice, but it surprised him when London had entered his cabin, most probably with a master key, while had been in the process of putting eye drops in his already dry eyes.

"I knew it." London declared. "How long?"

"I have no idea what you're talking about." Zack replied naturally.

"Psh. You can't fool me. I've been around people with better masks than you, you know. I'm just that brilliant. So how long?"

"How long what?"

"How long since you realized you loved him?"

Zack cracked a crooked smile. "Just after we moved to the Tipton."

London sighed. "Why not tell him?"

"Well, I'm a coward. I wanted things to stay the same. I was going to tell him but then I saw him and Bailey and I just couldn't stand it, so I ran then cried like a little girl."

London pursed her lips. "Everyone's worried, you know. They were going to stage an ntervention."

"So you told me about it?"

"No one seems to understand why this is happening. Except me of course, but Maddie had to point it out to me."

"Maddie always knew." Zack replied with a small grin, a hollow one compared to his usual ones. "She was just that awesome."

London agreed. "You have to tell him."

"I know."

"You're _breaking._ "

"I _know._ "

"Just give me a little time. I was also this bad when Cody got his first long term girlfriend."

"If you won't tell him I will." London threatened.

"Go ahead." Zack smiled. "I don't think I can see him and Bailey being happy without bursting to tears."

"You have a _problem._ "

" _I know._ " Zack repeated.

London left.

It didn't take long for the next person to show up.

"Zack, we need to talk."

It was Cody.

"Zack?"

"Did London talk to you?" He asked quietly, not opening the door.

"London? Why would she want to talk to me?"

Zack nearly heaved a sigh of relief.

"What's wrong Zack?"

"Nothing."

"She did."

Zack tasted iron. He'd apparently bit his lip too hard.

"Why didn't you ever tell me?" The tone was broken and sad.

"Circumstances. Whenever I wanted to tell you something would just get in the way and I would end up postponing it again and again until t never happened anymore. Then you got Bailey and—well, that doesn't matter now. I just have to go through this. Preferably alone."

"That—Why aren't you angry?" Cody nearly shouted. "You're supposed to be angry! You've been hurting so much—"

"It was supposed to go away." Zack whispered. "It didn't."

"I love you." Cody declared. "I have ever since my Graduation."

Zack's world nearly stopped. He couldn't hope. He really shouldn't because if by any chance that Cody was just telling him this to get his brother back thenhe probably wouldn't be able to piece himself back together again. Maybe he was just dreaming this up, god knows how many time this particular dream sequence made it to his dreams. "What?"

"I love you." Cody repeated and Zack could hear the sheer sincerity that came from his voice.

"But what about Bailey?"

"I never really loved her." Zack could almost hear the smile. "I was dating her to—" here Cody flushed a rather brilliant red and tugged at his bangs. "—to deny my feelings for you. You'd always seemed so supportive, so I thought that I never really _had_ a chance."

"Since when?"

"I'm not quite sure, but I think when I saw Maddie in that wedding dress with you kissing her? I had quite a bit of an identity crisis for a while. The you had to go and cheer me on with Bailey and…"

"Then..?"

Cody pursed his lips then smiled and wasn't it the brightest smile Zack had seen in a while. "If you'll have me."

Maybe there actually was hope.

Though he really needed to put some eye drop on his eyes. He could literally feel them crusting over from all the crying.

- **Fin.**

 **A/N Done under two hours.** **J Anyway, throw me all you have. Even if it's flames or something, haha. I know this is crap and was just something I needed to unload emotionally. XD**


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